Thorough. Honest. Fair.

Ratings Legend


     In order for me to consider myself a trustworthy reviewer, I believe in using general guidelines that allow me to remain objective on some level, and since I rate the sex toys I review, I want to provide consistency. Of course, my reviews always contain my opinion and personal remarks, so total objectivity is impossible. That said, this page lists the guidelines I choose to employ.

1-2:  The item being reviewed isn’t worth buying. Don’t waste your money. This item is too expensive, differs significantly from its product description, is poorly designed, doesn’t function as expected, or is dangerous, so I can’t recommend it because there are reasonably priced, better, or safer alternatives.

3-4:  The item being reviewed is inferior. This item is less expensive but still may cost too much, differs only slightly from its product description, is marginally better designed, functions comparatively better but still not as expected, or is insignificantly safer, so it still isn’t a product I can recommend.

5-6:  The item being reviewed is adequate and ticks all the boxes. The price is appropriate, the product description is accurate, the item’s design allows it to function properly, and it’s safe, so I can candidly recommend it.

7-8:  The item being reviewed is superior. If this item is more expensive, it warrants the cost. The product description is accurate, the item is well designed, functions properly, and is safe but lacks an X factor. I can firmly recommend it.

9-10:  The item being reviewed is nearly perfect. If this item is expensive, it warrants the cost. The product description is accurate, the item is well designed, functions properly, is safe, and possesses an X factor that elevates it to equivalency with luxury items or underscores its uniqueness.

A note regarding glass and metal sex toy reviews

     Unless a glass or metal sex toy is obscenely expensive, its product description is wildly inaccurate, or the toy breaks or is otherwise unusable or unsafe, I can’t justify a rating lower than a seven because glass and metal sex toys, when properly cared for, are a good buy at the very least. Glass and metal sex toys are strong and durable, which makes them long-lasting. Not only are they non-porous and hypoallergenic, which means they don’t collect bacteria and are easy to clean, but also they hold temperature, so glass and metal sex toys provide considerable novelty as they allow experimentation with heating and cooling. Glass and metal sex toys are body safe, and boiling and sanitizing glass and metal sex toys allows for their use both vaginally and anally by either women or men. Use any type of lubricant with glass and metal sex toys without degrading materials.

     When rating glass and metal sex toys, I start at seven and ask three questions. The toy being reviewed can earn either no point, a half-point, or a full point for each question, and three full points gives the toy a ten.

– Is the toy beautiful? This question addresses the toy’s aesthetic appeal.

– Is it obvious that the toy’s design was carefully considered? This question addresses the toy’s functional ability.

– Am I 100% satisfied by the toy’s performance? The answer to this question is subjective and allows me to include my opinion in my rating while also addressing the lack or presence of an X factor.

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